One of the worst things that parents can do is to compare
their children with others. Even within
a family with more than one offspring, each child is going to have different
skills and talents. Just because the
eldest is a Maths whizz, this doesn’t mean that all the others should follow in
his footsteps. The child who was born an
artist is going to struggle with numbers and logic, just as the mathematician
might fail to understand the beauty of light and form. And the arguer is not being confrontational:
he is merely making his points in the way he knows best. In fact, he could grow up to become a top
lawyer.
One of the saddest things I’ve seen is a Form 5 student
crying because she felt she was letting her parents down. This young lady said she couldn’t understand her
Physics schoolwork. She always scored
the lowest in class and her teacher was beginning to give up on her. Even a few of her classmates had started to
tease her.
I asked her why she was studying Physics if it was something
she had little interest in and she replied that this was what her parents
wanted. Apparently, she loved to draw
and did so to relax. She had a vivid
imagination and loved to sketch. What
she described as her doodles were, to my untrained eye, beautiful
illustrations. So how is it possible for
a creative artistic brain to come to grips with the rigidity that is the
discipline of Physics?
I have met many a student in a similar situation. The parents – usually the father – expect
their child to become a doctor or a lawyer or some other high-earning
individual. I would hazard a guess and
say that all parents hope their children will grow up to become rich and
famous. Many of us dream of seeing our
offspring succeed way beyond what we ourselves have achieved, and we might feel
obligated to push our children in the “right” direction. Sadly, some parents forget, or perhaps simply
don’t realise, that what we want for our children’s future might not be what is
best for them.
It gets worse when teachers step in and start comparing
their students. Failing to see the
potential in a youngster and expecting him to achieve the same level of
competence in all subjects is unrealistic.
A History teacher who rewards his charges who do well while ignoring –
or worse, constantly critising – those who lag behind is failing in his duty to
educate his students. It might be too
much to expect teachers to be patient and to cultivate the natural talents in
each child, but that’s what a good teacher tries to do, in my opinion.
Parents and teachers need to take the time to see what each
child is good at and try to adapt so that the potential is allowed to
blossom. Not all of them will grow up to
be doctors or lawyers. Some will rock
the world with their music, others will fascinate their audiences with their
art and still others will make their mark by entertaining those doctors and
lawyers with their humour and wit. Each
child is different, with a different brain.
We parents and teachers will best serve them by keeping that in mind.
I want to say a word of thanks to my son for this
knowledge. I love writing and it’s my
hobby. My son, however, used to struggle
in school putting his thoughts on paper.
Give him a canvas, though, and he expresses himself through his
wonderful works of art. I, on the other
hand, am terrible when it comes to drawing.
It was by watching him grow up that I realised how different we all are,
and that each person has his or her own strengths and weaknesses. We as parents and teachers need to identify
those strengths and nurture them. At the
same time we have to understand that what we consider a weakness might just be
the bright spark that lights up a child’s life.
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